Funny Adult Quotes of a Sick Person

Enjoy reading and share 100 famous quotes about Sick Humor with everyone.

Sick Humor Quotes By Tina Fey

Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny ... Do you have anything to say to that?'
Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it.
I don't say it out loud, of course, because Jerry Lewis is a great philanthropist, Hitchens is very sick, and the third guy I made up. — Tina Fey

Sick Humor Quotes By George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. — George Burns

Sick Humor Quotes By Ruth Ozeki

He's got this thing about Canada. He says it's like America only with health care and no guns, and you can live up to your potential there and not have to worry about what society thinks or about getting sick or getting shot. — Ruth Ozeki

Sick Humor Quotes By Kathy Griffin

I can honestly say, with complete disappointment, that I have never purged in my life, because I have what I call a barfing disorder. Every time I puke, even when I'm sick with the flu or from food poisoning, I think I'm going to die. Weird, I know. No disrespect to you, Mary Kate. Rock on. — Kathy Griffin

Sick Humor Quotes By Katelin LaMontagne

It's like before when there was a huge pile up on the highway, as soon as you got to the point in the traffic jam that you could see the accident, your eyes were glued to the window and you nearly rear ended the guy in front of you so that you can catch a peek at the victims. Sick fucks that we are, we like to witness the suffering of others and say, 'sucks to be them.' We bob our heads to the radio as we open up our engines and tear down the now cleared highway, continuing on with our lives as if we didn't just witness someone's spine being scraped off the ground. Come on, you know you've done it. Everyone has, and right now is one of those moments. — Katelin LaMontagne

Sick Humor Quotes By J.D. Salinger

Answer Professor Mandell's letter when you get a chance and the patience. Ask him not to send me any more poetry books. I already have enough for 1 year anyway. I am quite sick of it anyway. A man walks along the beach and unfortunately gets hit in the head by a cocoanut. His head unfortunately cracks open in two halves. Then his wife comes along the beach singing a song and sees the 2 halves and recognizes them and cries heart breakingly. That is exactly where I am tired of poetry. Supposing the lady just picks up the 2 halves and shouts into them very angrily "Stop that!" Do not mention this when you answer his letter, however. It is quite controversial and Mrs. Mandell is a poet besides. — J.D. Salinger

Sick Humor Quotes By Gena Showalter

William slapped him on the shoulder, sending Sex into rapturous convulsions. "Before we do this, I've got one question for you. And you can't lie. This is too important."
A bit sick to his stomach at what such a debaucher could want to know, Paris cast his attention to the black-haired, blue-eyed he-devil. "Ask."
"Are you going to suggest I kiss you for good luck or strength or whatever it is your sex demon needs?"
That earned the warrior a two-fingered salute.
"So that's a no?" William asked.
Paris worked his jaw. "Here, let me help you off the cliff to the drawbridge." With no more warning, he shoved William over the ledge. He thought he heard a fading, " So not cool," from the bastard as he fell ... fell ...
Splat. — Gena Showalter

Sick Humor Quotes By Jenna Black

Surprisingly, fainting sounded like a really good idea. If I fainted, I'd be unconscious, so I wouldn't have to see the impossible anymore, nor would I have to feel so dizzy and sick. Than maybe when I woke up, all of this would go away and I'd find it was all just a bad dream. The mist started to turn dark around the edges ... For the record: fainting sucks. — Jenna Black

Sick Humor Quotes By Francois Truffaut

Film lovers are sick people. — Francois Truffaut

Sick Humor Quotes By Lawrence Block

Man, I so sick of dinosaurs. They wasn't extinct, I'd go out an' kill 'em myself. — Lawrence Block

Sick Humor Quotes By Wendy Owens

Michael staggered to his feet and turned to face his worst nightmare. Baal stood before him, a smirk on his face. He wore his signature grey, pinstripe, three-piece suit, and casually twisted his pinky ring on his long and slender well-manicured finger. As it rotated Michael caught a glimpse of the rubies in the skull's eye sockets. His black hair was slicked back, the sight of his false appearance made Michael sick to his stomach. — Wendy Owens

Sick Humor Quotes By Kenzie Western

Some people call me sick and twisted. I feel that I'm neither; I am instead a Romantic. — Kenzie Western

Sick Humor Quotes By Henny Youngman

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under. — Henny Youngman

Sick Humor Quotes By Bill Cosby

"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick ... " And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that. — Bill Cosby

Sick Humor Quotes By S.K. Logsdon

Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin. I fake cough again into my hand. — S.K. Logsdon

Sick Humor Quotes By Eliezer Yudkowsky

It's a most peculiar psychology - this business of 'Science is based on faith too, so there!' Typically this is said by people who claim that faith is a good thing. Then why do they say 'Science is based on faith too!' in that angry-triumphal tone, rather than as a compliment? And a rather dangerous compliment to give, one would think, from their perspective. If science is based on 'faith', then science is of the same kind as religion - directly comparable. If science is a religion, it is the religion that heals the sick and reveals the secrets of the stars. It would make sense to say, 'The priests of science can blatantly, publicly, verifiably walk on the Moon as a faith-based miracle, and your priests' faith can't do the same.' Are you sure you wish to go there, oh faithist? Perhaps, on further reflection, you would prefer to retract this whole business of 'Science is a religion too! — Eliezer Yudkowsky

Sick Humor Quotes By Erma Bombeck

Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick. — Erma Bombeck

Sick Humor Quotes By Gregory Maguire

[Cat] found a complete set of the works of Edgar Allan Poe, with little tabs of paper sticking out. The were scrawled over with the witch's comments to herself, "Fun!" "Try this, but with exploding feathers!" and "Gotta love him
deeply sick. — Gregory Maguire

Sick Humor Quotes By Louise Rennison

You wouldn't say ' You've got the crappest eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes make me physically sick. — Louise Rennison

Sick Humor Quotes By Siobhan Davis

He's a mass of contradictions. Unfortunately, that only seems to enhance his appeal. I'm one sick bitch, that's for sure. — Siobhan Davis

Sick Humor Quotes By Samuel Beckett

But there are not two laws, that was the next thing I thought I understood, not two laws, one for the healthy, another for the sick, but one only to which all must bow, rich and poor, young and old, happy and sad. He was eloquent. I pointed out that I was not sad. That was a mistake. Your papers, he said, I knew it a moment later. Not at all, I said, not at all. Your papers! he cried. Ah my papers. — Samuel Beckett

Sick Humor Quotes By Jennifer A. Nielsen

Roden wasn't convinced. "How big of a fuss will this require?"
[Jaron] grinned. "Catastrophic levels of bad behavior Trust me, it'll be fun."
"You have a sick idea of fun." Roden's cool expression seemed less than enthusiastic. "When we do this, will they hurt us?"
That made me sigh. "You're the captain of my guard, aren't you? Surely you can take a few hits by now. Besides, the pain will be forgotten once the ropes go around our necks"
"I don't want a rope going around my neck, Jaron! That's the part you need to figure out. — Jennifer A. Nielsen

Sick Humor Quotes By Brandon Sanderson

How easily Elend spoke of hope and humor, as if being happy were simply a decision one made. Some people assumed that it was. Once, Sazed might have agreed with them. Now, his stomach simply twisted, and he felt sick at the thought of taking pretty much any action. His thoughts were constantly invaded by doubts. — Brandon Sanderson

Sick Humor Quotes By Laurie Halse Anderson

Ouch," he said.
"Move your foot."
"No."
"Go away."
"Glad to see you, too."
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"You missed the bus," he said.
"I'm sick."
"Need chicken soup?"
"Actually, it's my period," I lied. "Killer cramps."
"Chocolate and a heating pad?"
"How do you know that?"
"I have an older sister and my mom is a kick-ass feminist," he said. "I'm probably the only guy in school who can buy tampons without having a seizure. Look, at that, I can even say the word. 'Tampon, tampon, tampon.' If you say it enough, it stops sounding like a word, know what I mean? — Laurie Halse Anderson

Sick Humor Quotes By Cait Miller

Megan noisily sucked in air for a scream that froze in her lungs. The cat stood in front of the open fire escape window, tail twitching, eyes focused intently on her face. Cursing inwardly at the stupidity of leaving the window open even a little bit, she made a mental note to never do it again ... if she lived.
The sheer size of the body under that sleek black coat was breathtaking, not to mention the power evident in those muscles. Megan whimpered as she caught sight of the sharp claws just visible on its feet. "Holy crap, someone up there has a really sick sense of humor. When I said I should get a cat, this is not what I meant!" she whispered. The cat snorted and her heart lodged in her throat. — Cait Miller

Sick Humor Quotes By Nadia Bolz-Weber

Many of us would pray not to die in a car crash before we were baptized, like other people pray to not get sick before their employee benefits kick in. — Nadia Bolz-Weber

Sick Humor Quotes By Erma Bombeck

Of the little less than a million eligibles roaming around, 5 percent don't know their sign and don't even care. Another 5 percent are tied to their mothers by a food fixation. That leaves only 20 percent who are searching for a girl who will pick up their clothes, run their baths, burn her fingers shelling their three-minute eggs, run their errands, bear them a child every year, look like a fashion model, tend their needs when they are sick, and hold down a full-time job outside the home to make payments on their boat. — Erma Bombeck

Sick Humor Quotes By Julia Quinn

How do you feel?" she asked, trying to fluff his pillow. "Other than terrible, I mean."
He moved his head slightly to the side. It seemed to be a sickly interpretation of a shrug.
"Of course you're feeling terrible," she clarified, "but is there any change? More terrible? Less terrible?"
He made no response.
"The same amount of terrible? — Julia Quinn

Sick Humor Quotes By Flip Wilson

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. — Flip Wilson

Sick Humor Quotes By Karen Quan

This girl who's slept a hundred years has something after all. It's called Centuryitis, and it has turned me into a man. Oh, what will mamma think when she sees me?!
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz — Karen Quan

Sick Humor Quotes By Sylvia Plath

From now on when a boy starts telling me about his lost loves I am going to run in the opposite direction screaming loudly ... Somehow I bring out such confidences, and I'm pretty sick of hearing about Bobbe or Dorothy or P.K. or Liota. God damn them all. — Sylvia Plath

Sick Humor Quotes By Zoe Cruz

I don't give sick days if you're playing in the snow." He's being funny, or trying to be funny. I can never tell which. — Zoe Cruz

Sick Humor Quotes By John Niven

The notion of children makes me ill. The thought of having one ... when you see those guys in the supermarket, wheeling the trolley around while their brats whine and wheedle and some blundering sow questions every little thing they take off the shelves. I mean, just the fucking idea of it, the very word: family. Whenever I see it, on travel brochures, on house schedules ... I feel sick. — John Niven

Sick Humor Quotes By Music Sales Corporation

I think that God's got a sick sense of humour, and when I die I expect to find him laughing. — Music Sales Corporation

Sick Humor Quotes By Marc Maron

It's not all about love. That's half of it ... The other half is about that moment you have with yourself when you're looking in the mirror, and you just go, 'Oh man. I'm going to compromise my dreams, get fat, sick, old and die someday. I kind of want to have someone around for that.' — Marc Maron

Sick Humor Quotes By Deb Caletti

Holy Christ fate's got a fucking sick sense of humor " he chuckled. — Deb Caletti

Sick Humor Quotes By Jon Skovron

Are you sure you're okay?" she asks. "Should I call 911 or something?"
"I'm totally fine," says Rob. "It's going to take a little while to recover, I think. It was like ... an orgasm ... times a hundred." He sighs again, and continues to lie on the table.
"Really?" says Jael. "Like a ... " she isn't sure how she feels about that at all. — Jon Skovron

Sick Humor Quotes By Tom Rachman

Who's Johnnie Walker?"
"It's a drink. For grown-ups."
"Is it nice?"
"Makes you drunk."
"What's it like being drunk?"
"Like being awake and asleep at the same time."
"Sounds nice."
"It was meant to sound terrible," he said looking down his glasses at her. "You get sick and stagger around. People actually vomit sometimes. — Tom Rachman

Sick Humor Quotes By Patrick Swayze

Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn't it? — Patrick Swayze

Sick Humor Quotes By Fred Allen

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man. — Fred Allen

Sick Humor Quotes By C.M. Stunich

And no chick fucking either, unless we both agree to it, of course." Turner pauses and scowls. "Though I can't imagine sharing you with anyone. Makes me fucking sick to my stomach. — C.M. Stunich

Sick Humor Quotes By Stephanie Perkins

I'm going to be sick. I'm going to vomit that weird eggplant tapenade I had for dinner, and everyone will hear, and no one will invite me to watch the mimes escape from their invisible boxes, or whatever it is people do here in their spare time. — Stephanie Perkins

Sick Humor Quotes By Seth MacFarlane

Everybody in my family had a real sick, twisted sense of humor. Most of the jokes we make in our house, we would just never even dream of making anywhere else. Just sick, horrible stuff. That wasn't anything new to college. — Seth MacFarlane

Sick Humor Quotes By Anne Garboczi Evans

His hand came forward, an all too manly appendage lined by callouses. If that trigger finger could produce as accurate shooting as the callous running across it suggested, she'd be tempted to be sick. She'd worked her whole life for a star and he'd gotten one within a half hour. — Anne Garboczi Evans

Sick Humor Quotes By Quinn Loftis

I'll see you there little Red.' Fane's voice faded out of her mind and she could feel his humor. Oh, wasn't he just too cute, picking up on her two best friends' idea of a sick joke - to turn her into the little girl who almost wound up as the wolf's dinner.
"My, what big eyes you have, wolf-man," Jacque said out loud, unable to stop her sarcasm from boiling up.
"The better to see you with love," Jen chimed in.
"What big ears you have!" Sally continued their comic relief.
"The better to hear you with my love," Jen followed.
"What big teeth you have!" Sally mocked, her hands on either side of her face.
"The better to eat you with my love," Jen cackled, but she wasn't finished. True to Jen form she added her own twisted sense of humour. "My, what a big-"
Sally slapped a hand over her mouth, quickly realising where Jen was going with that statement. — Quinn Loftis

Sick Humor Quotes By Marie Phillips

A blow job. Why did people do these things to each other? Artemis felt faintly sick. — Marie Phillips

Sick Humor Quotes By Ethan Day

Cassidy continued to rub his chest and groaned at Ollie pleadingly. "I don"t like it. Make it stop."
"It"s just love, sweetie. It won"t kill you. I promise."
"Love totally sucks ass!"
Ollie shrugged nonchalantly. "Perhaps I"m wrong. Maybe you"re having a heart attack."
Cassidy glanced back up, hopeful. "You think?"
Ollie shook his head. "You"re one sick bitch. — Ethan Day

Sick Humor Quotes By Tom Waits

On my gravestone, I want it to say, "I told you I was sick." — Tom Waits

Sick Humor Quotes By Laurie Alice Eakes

Rafe hadn't sworn in front of a lady since he was fifteen and said something unacceptable in his mother's hearing. Though he'd been twice her size already, she grabbed him by his hair queue and dragged him to her boudoir, where she proceeded to wash his mouth out with lavendar soap. He had been vilely sick, to this day couldn't bear the scent of lavendar, anhd watched his tongue around females of all ages and social rank. — Laurie Alice Eakes

Sick Humor Quotes By Mitch Hedberg

I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is. — Mitch Hedberg

Sick Humor Quotes By Bailey White

I have the sick fantasy that whatever I see at the movies is going to happen to me at home. My bladder capacity increased tenfold after I saw "The Shining" because I was sure that if I went into the bathroom late at night, there would be a dead woman in the bathtub. — Bailey White

Sick Humor Quotes By Maisey Yates

How sick are you? Holy crap. Are you dying or something? Is that why you're going on
a retreat and eating only lettuce? — Maisey Yates

Sick Humor Quotes By George Carlin

It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That kind of thing makes me happy. The fact that people, in pursuit of a superficial look of health, give themselves a fatal disease. I love it when 'reasoning' human beings think they have figured out how to beat something and it comes right back and kicks them in the nuts. God bless the law of unintended consequences. And the irony is impressive: Healthy people, trying to look healthier, make themselves sick. Good! — George Carlin

Sick Humor Quotes By Claudia Gray

Maybe Ciena was right. Maybe the Force was bringing them together, over and over. If so, Thane decided, the Force had a sick sense of humor. — Claudia Gray

Sick Humor Quotes By James Patterson

I'm seriously going to be sick, C.P.," I said and turned away. "Hey, serial killer dude!" I called out toward the street. "You can come get me now! I can't live with the image that is now burned on my brain."
"Tandy! Take that back!" C.P. said.
"Okay, fine. I take back the part about wanting the serial killer to come and get me," I told her. "But the rest? That is insane. I can't believe it. You and my . Freaksome. — James Patterson

Sick Humor Quotes By James Howe

Another Thing I'm Sick of Hearing:
If I started that gay rights group,
I must be gay.
So if i start an animal rights group,
what does that make me?
A giraffe? — James Howe

Sick Humor Quotes By Tammara Webber

Erin: We get to beat the shit outta guys in those big puffy suits!!! I've always wanted to really kick the crap outta some guy's nuts. Now I can do it guilt-free!
Me: You're a sick girl.
Erin: Guilty as charged. — Tammara Webber

Sick Humor Quotes By Dana Marie Bell

Right, if I told you, I'd have to kill you."
Emma frowned. "If you kill me, you aren't getting any nookie." She wrinkled her nose. "And if you are, that's really sick. — Dana Marie Bell

Sick Humor Quotes By Amanda Kelly

Max was looking scrambled and nauseous and Will was practically holding Max up as they walked. "Dude, I get why they call it the green thing now, it's the color of your face," Trent said as he too, helped Max to sit down.
Max shrugged "Go on the roller coaster they tell me. It'll be fun they tell me. — Amanda Kelly

Sick Humor Quotes By C.J. Roberts

So, that's it? You think I'm just some idiot that fell for your bullshit! Well you're wrong! I fell in love with you, Caleb. I fell in love with your sick sense of humor. I fell in love with the way you protected me. You saved my life! - Livvie/Kitten — C.J. Roberts

Sick Humor Quotes By Miranda Kenneally

When God created the Earth, he had such a sick wicked sense of humor. He made everything that's wrong feel really, really good. — Miranda Kenneally

Sick Humor Quotes By Jane Austen

And pictures of perfection, as you know, make me sick and wicked. — Jane Austen

Sick Humor Quotes By Liane Moriarty

Alice would give anything, anything at all, to be lying in bed with Nick, waiting for a cup of tea. Maybe he got sick of making her cups of tea? Was that it? Had she taken him for granted? Who did she think she was, some sort of princess, lying in bed waiting for cups of tea to be delivered. — Liane Moriarty

Sick Humor Quotes By John Chrysostom

It is this that ruins churches, that you do not seek to hear sermons that touch the heart, but sermons that will delight your ears with their intonation and the structure of their phrases, just as if you were listening to singers and lute-players. And we preachers humor your fancies, instead of trying to crush them. We act like a father who gives a sick child a cake or an ice, or something else that is merely nice to eat
just because he asks for it; and takes no pains to give him what is good for him; and then when the doctors blame him says, 'I could not bear to hear my child cry.' ... That is what we do when we elaborate beautiful sentences, fine combinations and harmonies, to please and not to profit, to be admired and not to instruct, to delight and not to touch you, to go away with your applause in our ears, and not to better your conduct. — John Chrysostom

Sick Humor Quotes By David Simon

This is CID homicide, mister, and neither heat nor rain nor gloom of night will stay these men from their rendezvous with callousness. Cruel jokes? The cruelest. Sick humor? The sickest. And, you ask, how can they possibly do it? Volume. That's right, volume. They won't be outsold, they won't be undersold; they will solve no crime before its time. — David Simon

Sick Humor Quotes By Kresley Cole

Enough. You're going to make yourself sick." He clasped her hand to help her up.
She reluctantly let him. "But I haven't eaten more than a regular meal."
"Lass, there's more where that came from. You doona have to behave like it's your last meal."
She laughed without humor. "Spoken like a man who's never missed one."
-Maddy — Kresley Cole

Sick Humor Quotes By Oscar Wilde

JACK.
I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can't go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left.
ALGERNON.
We have.
JACK.
I should extremely like to meet them. What do they talk about?
ALGERNON.
The fools? Oh! about the clever people, of course.
JACK.
What fools! — Oscar Wilde

Sick Humor Quotes By Wendy Owens

Uri was turned, looking at him, shouting something, but at that point, Gabe couldn't hear him. A moment later, Gabe felt like the car was spinning uncontrollably. The nausea overcame him and he seriously thought he might be sick. He looked down at Sophie to make sure she was still all right. His hands were holding her head gently, but they no longer seemed like his hands. There was a glowing, blue light coming from his palms. He began to hyperventilate. Everything went black. — Wendy Owens

Sick Humor Quotes By Louis-Ferdinand Celine

You can find something funny in anything! I'm sick as a dog and falling to bits, but I'll give up joking only after I give up the ghost! my last gasp! The proof, here, with only an eighth of a glimmer of light, things oozing out of my asshole, my armpits, and the elbows, too, blood coming out of the eyes, from the soupy mess of my grave, me whistling a tune, that's what you'll hear! A regular blackbird! — Louis-Ferdinand Celine

Sick Humor Quotes By Kate Willis

Moments later as we crossed the road to the 50's diner, I recited the restaurant rules in my head one more time.

Rule one: Keep your hands clean.
Rule two: Careful with the food trays.
Rule three: Visit the soda fountain as often as you like, but don't make yourself sick.
Rule four: Enjoy the poodle skirt. — Kate Willis

Sick Humor Quotes By Jesse Andrews

So if this were a normal book about a girl with leukemia, I would probably talk a shitload about all the meaningful things Rachel had to say as she got sicker and sicker, and also probably we would fall in love and have some incredibly fulfilling romantic thing and she would die in my arms. But I don't feel like lying to you. She didn't have meaningful things to say, and we definitely didn't fall in love. She seemed less pissed with me after my stupid outburst, but she basically just went from irritable to quiet. — Jesse Andrews

Sick Humor Quotes By Betsy Lerner

I had officially joined the cacophony of sick mother fuckers. — Betsy Lerner

Sick Humor Quotes By David Levithan

Are you a vegetarian?' I ask, based on the evidence in front of me.
She nods.
'Why?'
'Because I have this theory that when we die, every animal that we've eaten has a chance at eating us back. So if you're a carnivore and you add up all the animals you've eaten
well, that's a long time in purgatory, being chewed.'
'Really?'
She laughs. 'No. I'm just sick of the question. I mean, I'm a vegetarian because I think it's wrong to eat other sentient creatures. And it sucks for the environment. — David Levithan

Sick Humor Quotes By Tana French

How's Alison getting on?'

Conway snorted. 'Tucked up in the sick room like she's dying in some season finale. Little fadey voice on her and all. She's having a great old time. — Tana French

Sick Humor Quotes By Jessica Holt

Darling,
i wish someone would realize im not happy. im alone and in pain because of you leaving me and never coming home. im nothng compared to you but i feel like im everything better than you. im sick of you and your judgement and you knowing exactly nothing about me at all. so tell me why should i i get know who you really are when your the person who need to get to know me? — Jessica Holt

Sick Humor Quotes By John Updike

I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick. — John Updike

Sick Humor Quotes By Deb Caletti

Fate's got a fucking sick sense of humor. Fate is a shape-shifter. It's the kindest and most generous entity imaginable, laying out more goodness than a person deserves, and then it shrinks and curls and forms into something grotesque. You think its one thing, but then its another. — Deb Caletti

Sick Humor Quotes By Milton Sanford Mayer

I wanted to tell him a story, but I didn't. It's a story about a Jew riding in a streetcar, in Germany during the Third Reich, reading Goebbels' paper, the Volkische Beobachter. A non-Jewish acquaintance sits down next to him and says, "Why do you read the Beobachter?" "Look," says the Jew, "I work in a factory all day. When I get home, my wife nags me, the children are sick, and there's no money for food. What should I do on my way home, read the Jewish newspaper? Pogrom in Romania' 'Jews Murdered in Poland.' 'New Laws against Jews.' No, sir, a half-hour a day, on the streetcar, I read the Beobachter. 'Jews the World Capitalists,' 'Jews Control Russia,' 'Jews Rule in England.' That's me they're talking about. A half-hour a day I'm somebody. Leave me alone, friend. — Milton Sanford Mayer

Sick Humor Quotes By J.K. Rowling

No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said. — J.K. Rowling

Sick Humor Quotes By Nora Roberts

I'm going to treat myself to one of these as a reward for not knocking himself unconscious with a skillet. — Nora Roberts

Sick Humor Quotes By Stacey Ballis

Going to the gym...all those people who always told me that you get addicted to it, that endorphins kick in, that eventually you crave it and look forward to it are sick lying ****s and I want to choke them with a protein bar and pummel them about the head with a bottle of SmartWater. — Stacey Ballis

Sick Humor Quotes By J.R.R. Tolkien

I hope I never smell the smell of apples again!" said Fili. "My tub was full of ut. To smell apples everlastingly when you can scarcely move and are cold and sick with hunger is maddening. I could eat anything in the wide world now for hours on end - but not an apple! — J.R.R. Tolkien

Sick Humor Quotes By Amy Sherman-Palladino

Ah man. I remember the days of lying to my mother about a boy. Once I had a boy hidden in the closet and of course Mom wouldn't leave, so I finally had to pretend to get sick to my stomach just to get her out of the room long enough for him to climb out the window and down the tree. He fell, broke his leg. Ah, to be young again. — Amy Sherman-Palladino

Sick Humor Quotes By David Eddings

It's really a very simple arrangement, little mother. He fully understands that either they get healthy, or he gets sick. That sort of encourages him to do his best. — David Eddings

Sick Humor Quotes By Helen Mirren

Like journalists. The police have an extremely sick sense of humor, very guarded, very private, very male, which they need to survive on an everyday level. I don't think anyone has ever managed to tap that on the screen - it would actually be too shocking. — Helen Mirren

Sick Humor Quotes By Denis Leary

I'm sick and tired of our generation being called the TV generation. What do you expect? We watched Lee Harvey Oswald get his brains blown out all over. How could we change the channel after that? — Denis Leary

Sick Humor Quotes By Susan Ee

I'm gonna be sick," I say.
"I'm ordering you not to," says Obi.
"Ah, don't say that," says Dee-Dum. "She's a born rebel. She'll puke just to make a point."
"You're here for a reason, Penryn," says Obi. "And throwing up in my car is not part of it. Buck up, Soldier."
"I'm not your soldier."
"Not yet," says Obi with a wide grin. "Why don't you fill us in on what happened at the aerie? Tell us everything you saw and heard, even if you think it won't be helpful."
"And if you have to get sick," says Dee-Dum, "shoot for Obi's direction, not mine. — Susan Ee

Sick Humor Quotes By Jonas Eriksson

You sick bastard," she said.
"Yes, I guess you could call me that." Terry replied. — Jonas Eriksson

Sick Humor Quotes By Bob Monkhouse

Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note! — Bob Monkhouse

Sick Humor Quotes By Amy Engel

Who do you want to turn into?" I mean the question to be mocking, but that's not how it comes out. I sound interested. I reach down and scratch my leg, trying to hid my embarrassment.
Bishop looks at me. "Someone honest. Someone who tries to do the right thing. Someone who follows his own heart, even if it disappoints people." He pauses. "Someone brave enough to be all those things."
A boy who doesn't want to lie, married to a girl who can't tell the truth. If there is a God, he has a sick sense of humor. — Amy Engel

Sick Humor Quotes By Charles Dickens

The air among the houses was of so strong a piscatory flavour that one might have supposed sick fish went up to be dipped in it, as sick people went down to be dipped in the sea. — Charles Dickens

Sick Humor Quotes By Kristen Stewart

I think there were moments on Snow White where I wished there was a little bit more of a sick humor toward Ravenna. But maybe the tone of the movie couldn't really support that. So you always have to kind of figure out where you are and adapt to it. — Kristen Stewart

Sick Humor Quotes By Lewis Grizzard

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it. — Lewis Grizzard

Sick Humor Quotes By Jeaniene Frost

I forgive you, but only because you said 'please.'"
Smartass, I thought. Then I groaned at the instant chorus of "Please!" mixed with cries for release from Vlad's prisoners. No wonder he got so sick of the word.
"I'm only merciful to one person a day," he threw over his shoulder. "As the saying goes, today isn't your day and tomorrow doesn't look good, either. — Jeaniene Frost

Sick Humor Quotes By Douglas Coupland

Speaking of the information superhighway, we have all given each other official permission to administer a beating to whoever uses that accursed term. We're so sick of it! — Douglas Coupland

Sick Humor Quotes By Tanith Lee

It was usual to be obedient to authority, to obey a legal letter. But Rachaela left her bills
unpaid until the threats began. She ignored the money-envelopes stuck through the door for starving
children and the sick. — Tanith Lee

Sick Humor Quotes By Tessa Bailey

Ginger used her trusty pink scissors to cut out the headline Is Your Vagina Angry? from a newly purchased women's magazine, spread glue on the back, and pasted it over the picture of a nun looking thoughtful. She had a sick sense of humor. So sue her. She stepped back and admired the decoupage nightstand she'd been working on all day. Get Thee to a Nunnery, she'd named this particular one. After a few finishing touches, it would be ready for a coat of lacquer. — Tessa Bailey

Sick Humor Quotes By Diana Rowland

Whoa!" I jerked my hand up to stop him. "Wait, what?" I asked as sick horror shot through me. "You mean, like when the bodies get cut open?"
Delight lit his face. "Yes, you'll be helping with the autopsies. You didn't know that? — Diana Rowland

Sick Humor Quotes By Josh Homme

I've always had a sick sense of humor, and I've always wanted that to permeate the music because I don't take myself seriously. I take the music seriously, but I know I'm not God's gift to anyone except my mom. — Josh Homme

Sick Humor Quotes By Kelly Braffet

Nature has a pretty sick sense of humor. — Kelly Braffet

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Source: https://quotessayings.net/topics/sick-humor/

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